FATHER'S DAY SPECIAL...INCLUDES GUILT AND DISSAPOINTMENT

...SO FATHER'S DAY WAS PRETTY INTERESTING. MY MOTHER BEING THE LOVELY CARIBBEAN COOK THAT SHE IS, MADE OXTAIL, PUMPKIN SOUP, RICE, CURRY BEEF, YEA...ANYWAY I STILL HAVENT STARTED WEIGHT WATCHERS YET, BUT SUNDAY WAS ALOT FOR ME. MY BODY IS STILL FEELING A BIT HEAVY TODAY I WENT RUNNING AND I COULDN'T REALLY RUN ALOT. I HAD NO ENERGY TODAY THE EXTRA FOOD WEIGH ME DOWN...AS IM WORKING ON MY HEALTH AND FITNESS , I AM LEARNING MANY THINGS ABOUT MY SELF AND MY HEALTH. YESTERDAY WE ORDERED PIZZA AND I WAS FALLING ALSEEP WATCHING A MOVIE.   I HAVENT HAD CARBS LIKE THAT SINCE ABOUT 6 MONTHS...i have found that protein agrees with me more in the morning than carbs. I do like carbs but i need them in the afternoon. This is actually becoming an enjoyment for me. Now i know how my body works, i can stay awake longer and hopefully be able to concentrate : )   Happy Eating!!!!

EHHHH...MY FIRST WEEK!!!

SO MY FIRST WEEK NOT SO GREAT. I WAS NOT SO CONSCIOUS WITH WHAT I WAS PUTTING IN MY MOUTH...and when i was i just didn't care, i was really hungry! They say it is important to be conscious but for me being conscious means having no fun in eating. I like to eat whatever i want but now i am being selfish to my body. I must treat it as a temple. I am suffering now from pain in my ankles. I have to keep my leg raised sometimes and keep doing ankle exercises for them. The more exercise i do the less pain i feel. Being conscious to me means night and day thinking  about what i eat when i eat and how i eat!!! like the food mafia lol I cant be free. Which is why i need to join a eating plan so i can learn how to eat comfortably healthy and not put so much work into what i eat. 

   Weight Watchers was one of the diets i did a long time ago. It was good for my mom she enjoyed it because she was very easy going with it. But i figured that you are supposed to follow the rules as such. SO i did but i didn't do well. i think i lost 2 lb. the first week and then the following i lost even smaller and smaller and then i started gaining. It was a little frustrating but i was following what i was supposed to follow. Im curious how to actually work. The thing is I'm so used to being fat all my life... I mean technically I've been on a diet since i was 10...I'm 27 years old now..single, just graduated, and looking for work...Its been 17 years where I have been treated a certain way, accepted a certain way. Now i want to change my entire look. This will change everything for me. I mean now i am getting looks a lot more, but for me it will change everything!! and Im really scared!!! I mean I'm really scared how will i change when this happens? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE PEOPLE AROUND ME!!! How will i act will I be more selfish less forgiving...A BITCH???? hahaha Well the only way to get through this is to surrender the problem and let it happen. No restrictions...Some Wisdom: One summer i ran everyday for 4 weeks..I didn't realize this until now...But i ran for 4 weeks building up stamina and doing squats and sit-ups  and i realized my body changed very dramatically. I did really well. I like to swim also but the jogging is different.....hmmmm 


You know sometimes you lose weight out of a whim and gain it back when school starts, you become depressed and then go back to your regular life and become a little happy again but in the back of your mind u wanna loose weight and don't know what to do lol....YOU realize what u did before did work.. Sometimes circumstances changes it doesn't mean you have to change your routine...The workout is a stress reliever so keep moving wherever u are...It will keep your stress down and keep your weight down too!!

IT'S SUMMER ...

  

AND I WANNA WEAR A BIKINI! 

You know...for those out there who can wear a two piece and feel comfortable in their own skin, brava! What does it mean to wear a bikini anyway? I mean a bathing suit should give you confidence; it should not be used to show off your body in vulgar ways but somehow help you in confidence. Bathing suit should make you feel good in the summer!!! It should be a happy time for you so whatever you wear should express that. I know some people that do wear two pieces for themselves or for others. You can definitely tell the diff..some ladies will wear a bathing suit that is very daring, vulgar or doesn't fit right...some ladies will wear it to suit their bodies and doesn't seem to care what anyones thinks about their suit.

...For me it would be a big goal of mine because i am self conscious about my weight and then my legs which has quite a bit of cellulite.   Recently i got this bathing suit for a quite a bit of money but the make and color suits me pretty well. I was never into any crazy looking bathings suits.. they were all black lol...like that would hide any extra fat lol.  Well it did...but after a while the bathing suits i have worn i have noticed before were not doing anything for my figured they actually made it worse for me. It did not give me any confidence, did not hide my figure and made me look bigger...haha Now im using this great one piece swimsuit that looks good on me. I feel more confident when i go in and out of the pool..even during swimming...Wisdom: whether or not you are tiny big boned, muscular or very large, it does not matter what size is your body...Find a bathing suit that suits your body respectfully and beautifully. SO what if you cant fit into a two piece, your not a gonna buy it anyway, right? Find a bathing suit that brings out your skin tone, your eyes and if you wanna hide your stomach or lift your bosom, there are many bathing suits out there to pick from...and by more than one at least you'll have an option to look beautiful!!!


So look beautiful!!! Everyone can!!!

Feelin good as long as im movin!!!

Ha i just realize one thing. If you are depressed about loosing weight, its because your not exercising. When you do exercise, you feel better cause your sweating and working hard. As long as Im moving i will never feel inadequate about myself , because i know as long as i am moving, i am getting closer to my goal weight every day...As Long as I am Moving!!! Feels good. 
Today I went into the pool for 30 minutes... it was a crazy workout and you can last much longer in the water because of the gravity and because its cooler in the water. Another tip: go in the water..Even if you cant swim, use a kick board and go back and forth in the pool. Start off slow. You will feel your legs working 10 times harder than if you were on the floor. : )

IM BACK AND FEELING LIKE IM ON A ROLLER COASTER!!

I am finally done with school after 4 year trying years of sweat, tears, blood and threats to my school...im done. And why am i not happy weird. Every summer i kept wishing that when Im done with school ill do all these things loose weight, start dancing, swimming work out like crazy, find the guy that ill spend the rest of my life with... the only thing i keep my attention on is how school was hard and how i screwed over a lot of things. I happened to keep a grudge... not so good. That can actually hold you back...which i think has been happening with me. The point is to not hold a grudge, it will hold you back for any future plans. Realization: holding onto grudges, hold you back spiritually. Everything seemed to be ok, until   i changed schools in the 5th grade. I had a good time until i was around 10yrs old when i had to change schools. Moving to a new school was stressful. It opened a new world for me but i also i was very protected also. I was teased made fun of but never said anything and in that way i learned how to keep things to myself and cause of that hold grudges...its easy to hold a grudge but if you want to grow..let go!!! i guess thats why so many people find it hard to loose weight. Let go of all the pain and hurt you have been in and fly right out of there!!!  


Well i wanna enjoy the rest of my summer and loose weight workout find a job and dance..do all of that and still be happy!!! I think im gonna make a video blog. alot of people seemed to be doing and it seems like a lot of fun..sooo i begin with butterfly wings : )

ME MESSIN UP!!!! SOMEONE HELP!!!

SOMEONE HELP IVE FALLIN AND CANT GET OFF THE WRONG FOODS...IVE BEEN FRUSTRATED WITH MY DIET AND THE FRUSTRATION IS ME EATING THE WRONG SHIT....... IM HAPPY ON DAYS THAT I STICK TO IT AND UNHAPPY ON DAYS THAT I DONT...Does that make sense to anybody!!! its funny. Do i want to be happy or miserable?? I mean its obvious what the answer is!!! Interesting what u really want and u do stupid things to mess it up. 

Frustration Frustration Frustration....

Happy New Year!!!!

Hello Beautiful People,
Sorry for the long wait but im back. Had a great vacation in Orlando. I started on the diet plan and its going. I was doing really well at first and i was curious to see how well. So i weighed myself before due time and i lost alot of weight. i got excited i ate the wrong things....then when a week hit and u i went on the scale again, Wouldn't you know the wrong things in my stayed actually stayed there lol ehhhhh.. Anyway now i know this plan works...i mean to be honest. I started last Thursday and Sunday i weighed myself and i lost 7lbs.. unbelievable..and then i got too happy and carefree...of course i am regretting it now...ehhh but still there is another week before i head off to school. I have another goal and im sticking to it. This is getting easier but all of a sudden my little brother just happens to buy huge box of snickers...ehh bastard!!! And now all i can think about is snickers lol uhhhh..But this is good im staying positive and away from my brothers room...
Jan. 13. 2010