EHHHH...MY FIRST WEEK!!!

SO MY FIRST WEEK NOT SO GREAT. I WAS NOT SO CONSCIOUS WITH WHAT I WAS PUTTING IN MY MOUTH...and when i was i just didn't care, i was really hungry! They say it is important to be conscious but for me being conscious means having no fun in eating. I like to eat whatever i want but now i am being selfish to my body. I must treat it as a temple. I am suffering now from pain in my ankles. I have to keep my leg raised sometimes and keep doing ankle exercises for them. The more exercise i do the less pain i feel. Being conscious to me means night and day thinking  about what i eat when i eat and how i eat!!! like the food mafia lol I cant be free. Which is why i need to join a eating plan so i can learn how to eat comfortably healthy and not put so much work into what i eat. 

   Weight Watchers was one of the diets i did a long time ago. It was good for my mom she enjoyed it because she was very easy going with it. But i figured that you are supposed to follow the rules as such. SO i did but i didn't do well. i think i lost 2 lb. the first week and then the following i lost even smaller and smaller and then i started gaining. It was a little frustrating but i was following what i was supposed to follow. Im curious how to actually work. The thing is I'm so used to being fat all my life... I mean technically I've been on a diet since i was 10...I'm 27 years old now..single, just graduated, and looking for work...Its been 17 years where I have been treated a certain way, accepted a certain way. Now i want to change my entire look. This will change everything for me. I mean now i am getting looks a lot more, but for me it will change everything!! and Im really scared!!! I mean I'm really scared how will i change when this happens? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE PEOPLE AROUND ME!!! How will i act will I be more selfish less forgiving...A BITCH???? hahaha Well the only way to get through this is to surrender the problem and let it happen. No restrictions...Some Wisdom: One summer i ran everyday for 4 weeks..I didn't realize this until now...But i ran for 4 weeks building up stamina and doing squats and sit-ups  and i realized my body changed very dramatically. I did really well. I like to swim also but the jogging is different.....hmmmm 


You know sometimes you lose weight out of a whim and gain it back when school starts, you become depressed and then go back to your regular life and become a little happy again but in the back of your mind u wanna loose weight and don't know what to do lol....YOU realize what u did before did work.. Sometimes circumstances changes it doesn't mean you have to change your routine...The workout is a stress reliever so keep moving wherever u are...It will keep your stress down and keep your weight down too!!